


Sleepwalking

by carnivalinsidemyhead



Category: Take That
Genre: Astral Projection, M/M, Miscommunication, Pining, dream walking, jason orange dream sage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 11:22:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21098657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carnivalinsidemyhead/pseuds/carnivalinsidemyhead
Summary: “In the world of dreams I’m a frequent flier.”OrJason astrally projects into his bandmates’ dreams because communicating like a normal person is too mainstream.





	1. Falling Asleep

Jason first realized he could do it about five years ago when he’d just left the band. He was sure he’d made the right decision but he couldn’t help worrying about the others. He would lie awake at night (what else was new?) wondering if they were really alright and one night he found himself, when he finally started to drift off, somehow landing in Howard’s dream rather than his own. And somehow Howard knew that he hadn’t just conjured Jason up in his own subconscious, that he had come from outside it.

To say that they were both startled by this would be rather an understatement. 

Eventually though, wandering in and out of their dreams became a matter of routine. It was a way for him to keep connected while he still needed space from them while they were conscious. And they all went along with it, although each of them had reacted differently the first time round and with different degrees of enthusiasm. They were split in half, really, over it. Gary and Howard were both a bit wary, a bit suspicious, neither really trusting that what was happening was real and not being entirely sure they were glad it was, although they were genuinely happy to see Jason and talk with him. Mark and Robbie, meanwhile, both enthusiastically embraced his ability to astral project into their dreams as basically the coolest thing in the history of ever as far as they were concerned.

He didn’t do it all the time. He did have a life of his own, after all. Also, he didn’t want to invade their privacy too much and entering someone’s subconscious was a pretty invasive thing. Occasionally he even found himself accidentally wandering into rather explicit dreams and would exit hastily hoping he hadn’t been noticed. He loved his former bandmates, but not *that* much. (At least, he didn’t love most of them that much. There might be one he felt differently about.)

But some nights they weighed heavier on his mind than others and he couldn’t relax enough to properly sleep until he checked in on them. This was one such night, so he lay quietly on his bed, breathing slowly and meditatively, closing his eyes and guiding his mind where it needed to go.


	2. Robbie

Jason found himself in an empty room surrounded on all sides by four doors. He stood in the middle of the room, quietly studying each door and waiting for it to come to him which door to open first. He closed his eyes and let the energy wash over him. Then he stepped towards the second door on the right which vibrated with a strange purple light, turned the knob and stepped inside.

“You’re blocking my shot, Jay.”

Golf. They were on a golf course. Of course they were.

Although most golf courses weren’t covered with purple grass. That glowed in the dark.

And most golfers didn’t play with flamingos and hedgehogs either.

“Been reading Alice In Wonderland to the kids, then?”

“Err..yeah..me and Ayda been doing it for their bedtime story, why?”

Jason looked at the flamingo in Robbie’s arms that he was wielding like a golf club.

Robbie looked down at it as well. “Oh. Right. Guess that would explain this.”

Jason laughed. “Might, yeah. How you been, Rob?”

Robbie shrugged. “Alright, I s’pose. Hanging in there. How ‘bout yourself?”

“Can’t complain, really. I hear you started talking to fans on Twitter?”

Robbie shook his head and laughed. “Thought you didn’t understand the tweeter machine, Jay.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “I do catch on eventually to technology, y’know. I just choose not to use a lot of it. And you know I don’t think social media is healthy. Especially for someone like you who’s so concerned with the opinions of others.”

“Yeah, but, Jay, it’s a great way for me to connect with people when face to face stuff is too much for me.”

Jason conceded this. “Probably helps a lot of folks like that. I just worry you’ll take it too much to heart when the..what are they called, goblins?..”

Robbie laughed. “You mean trolls?”

“Yeah, trolls. When the trolls start attacking.”

“Don’t worry, I told Ayda to change my password on me if it starts getting to me too much.”

“That does make me feel better, actually.” He paused and gave Robbie a wry grin. “So I’m the most beautiful of the group, am I?”

“You have been lurking haven’t you?” Robbie returned.

“That’s not a proper answer, Rob. You still got that man crush on me?”

“Maybe. You gonna get worryingly happy if I do?”

Jason laughed and then impulsively pulled Robbie to him and kissed him very thoroughly on the lips.

“Don’t worry, it’s not gay if it’s in a dream.”

“As if that would stop me,” Robbie retorted. And they both burst out laughing. 

“Take care of yourself Rob. I’m gonna go see what Gaz is up to now.”

He walked over the glowing purple slopes back to the door that opened to an empty room on the other side and stood there once more, breathing quietly and listening and watching for a sign of which door was the right one. After a few moments he heard the faint echoes of a piano and he grinned to himself and walked toward the first door on the left.


	3. Gary

He found him playing the piano (what else?) in the middle of a lava field.

“How is the piano not on fire? For that matter, how are we not on fire?”

Gary shrugged. “Dream Iceland makes about as much sense as real Iceland, mate.”

Jason couldn’t argue with that. “So what’s all this about a new solo record? Thought you said you were taking a year off from doing anything to do with music?”

Gary laughed. “Mate can you seriously imagine me actually doing that? Come on now.” 

Jason looked at him seriously. “You are pleased to be working, right? For real? Because it’s okay for you to take time for yourself if you need it. You’re not going to end up back there, alright? I promise.”

“I really am pleased, I swear. Y’know I really was gonna take the time off and I was looking forward to it and all too, but then all this music just started playing itself in my head and it was like I needed to get it out…”

He looked down at the piano keys and the pools of lava surrounding them for a few moments and then carried on talking.

“I don’t know if I’m ever going to be completely rid of the fear that I’m useless if I’m not working, but this really is more like I’m making music for the sheer joy of it again and not just because I’m Gary Barlow and I am supposed to make music. And that feels pretty damn good I have to say.”

He played a quick little happy sounding tune with one hand and grinned at Jason. 

Jason grinned back. 

“What about you then? Trouble sleeping again, I take it?”

“Always. You’d think I’d be used to it by now,” Jason sighed.

“But it helps right? Checking in on us like this, I mean. Helps you relax?”

Jason nodded. “Yeah. It reassures me, I guess.”

“Good. You still got more check ins to do tonight? I love your company but I don’t want to keep you…”

Jason stood up from the piano bench and cautiously stretched his legs out in the lava pool.

“Yeah, got a couple more stops. Think I might go see what Markie’s up to after this.”

“Tell him to give me back my blue jacket when you see him, would ya?”

Jason made a mock shocked face. “Mark is borrowing clothes from you now?? What’s the world coming to??”

“Very funny. I’ll have you know I’m a style icon.”

“Yeah I’ve heard rumors to that effect. Mind, I’ve also heard rumors we’re all secretly straight, so…”

He broke down giggling before he could finish his sentence. Gary raised his eyebrow and shook his head, but he laughed too just the same.

Then he reached out to give Jason’s hand a quick squeeze goodbye.

“Don’t be a stranger, yeah? Not just here, but out there too. We miss you.” He looked at him gravely. “Doug misses you.”

Jason swallowed a lump in his throat. “I’ll try not to be.”


	4. Mark

Once again, Jason found himself in the empty room. Once again he stood quietly and waited. He felt a sense of peace and laughter and sunshine washing over him as he stood in front of the first door on the right and nodded to himself. 

He found him in the middle of a vast canyon with walls layered in varicolored stripes of ochre and lavender and burnt umber and cactus flowers blooming in scattered crevices, surrounded by rows of easels and canvases, perched upon a stool in front of a canvas with a brush in his hand, his face scrunched in concentration. 

Jason coughed discreetly to get his attention.

Mark turned at the sound, frowning a bit, and then, when he realized who it was, gave Jason a wide, welcoming smile that was as bright and warm as the desert sunshine itself.

“Howdy Stranger. Pull up an easel and get to painting.”

Feeling a bit out of his depth, Jason sat down at the easel nearest Mark and picked up a brush, hovering it over the rows of pots of paint trying to decide what color to start with or what it was he wanted to paint. He wasn’t sure he actually wanted to paint at all but that didn’t seem to be an option for him in this dream.

After a long moment of indecision, he dipped his brush in a pot of orange paint, slightly cringing at his own ego that he ended up being drawn most to the color bearing his name and made a broad stroke on the canvas and then turned to Mark with a smile and pulled the cowboy hat off his head and placed it on his own.

“Howdy yourself, pardner” he said in a terrible attempt at a cowboy voice that made Mark giggle. 

“Reckoned I’d mosey on over to these here dream parts and see how you was farin’ these days.”

“Doin mighty fine.”

“And looking mighty fine as well, if I may say so.”

“Why thank ya kindly sir. I’m much obliged. You’re looking right purty yourself.”

“We going to talk properly now or just flirt in Cowboy?”

Mark laughed. “You started the flirting you know,” he reminded him.

“That I did. I saw the show by the way. Couple of times. Thought it was brilliant. Loved the big orb thing-that was one of yours, right?”

“Yeah, yeah it was...you came to the shows?”

Jason nodded.

Mark looked hurt. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I didn’t want to make a fuss…”

“We’d have kept it quiet from the fans and the press for you. Why won’t you ever see us? Properly. Not like this. Why?? I know that I say sometimes I want you to come back but we’re not going to drag you back if that’s what you’re worried about...I still don’t understand why you left...did I drive you away??”

Jason looked astonished. “No, no you had nothing to do with it, what makes you think you did?”

“Because we were always bickering all the time and I kept driving you nuts when we were planning out albums and tours and everything, I thought you’d gotten so fed up with me that you couldn’t stand being in the group anymore…”

“What?? No...well, maybe a little bit. You did drive me fucking spare at times, but I gave as good as I got in our creative arguments, yeah?” 

Mark nodded somewhat reluctantly.

“And I enjoyed it too even when it did make me mental. No, it wasn’t that and I promise I don’t have any sort of issue or argument with you or hard feelings towards you, Mark.”

He paused and licked his lips nervously.

“It’s not you that drove me away. It’s Howard.”

It was Mark’s turn to look astonished. 

“Howard? You’ve got hard feelings towards Howard?? But you love..”

Jason nodded grimly.

Mark’s eyes widened and he let out a gasp as the penny dropped.

“You love Howard,” he whispered. “You left because you were in love with him?”

“Not Were. Are.”

“Does he know?”

“I’ve been in love with him for twenty years, mate. If he hasn’t figured it out by now..”

“But did you ever tell him?”

“No. And I never will.”

Mark shook his head at Jason’s stubbornness. 

“What are you afraid of, Jay? That Howard won’t love you back?”

He paused and looked at him shrewdly.

“Or that he will?”


	5. Howard

Finding Howard’s door was easy. All Jason had to do was listen for the roar of an engine and catch a faint whiff of Nandos. He stood on the sidelines of the racetrack and waited.

“Well come on, get in.”

Howard had pulled over and opened the passenger door. He nodded at Jason to climb inside. 

It was weirdly quiet in the car, considering they were on a racetrack and surrounded on all sides by cars with souped up, revving engines. 

Oddly none of those other cars seemed inclined to get close to Howard’s car. Or inclined to finish the race. Nor did Howard. The track seemed to go on and on in an infinite loop that you kept driving and driving on indefinitely. 

It had a sort of lulling, meditative effect, going round and round in circles, Jason reflected, but he wouldn’t have thought Howard would have the patience for it. But maybe this was his form of meditation?

“Alright, then?” Howard asked him.

Jason nodded. “Yeah, I’m alright. You?”

“Doing good, thanks.”

They drove on in silence, not sure what to say. Silence wasn’t unusual from Howard, he’d never been much of a talker but Jason usually wasn’t at a loss for words. 

He talked, well, rambled, really and Howard listened and occasionally added a thought of his own if he felt so inclined.

That was how it worked with them. Jason never found himself tongue tied around Howard, never found his silence awkward before.

Except...he was tongue tied wasn’t he? Twenty years and he still hadn’t gotten the words “I love you” out of his mouth. Not in the right way. Oh sure there were plenty of “love you, mates” but they didn’t count. He said those to everyone. He might have given Mark the impression he was too proud and stubborn to speak but the truth was he just didn’t have the bottle. And so he kept hoping against hope that Howard would pick up on his hints.

But either Howard was dense or he just didn’t feel the same way. And Jason couldn’t stand it anymore. So he left.

It never seemed to occur to him that maybe Howard might be feeling the same way and be waiting for him to make a move.

“Actually, How, I’m not alright,” Jason found himself blurting out. “I love you. I mean I really love you. Like, properly love you. As in, I’m in love with you.”

He stopped, stunned that the words had finally come out of his mouth.

Howard looked at him. “I love you too.”

“No, I mean I’m in love with you…”

Howard nodded. “Right. I got that. I’m in love with you too. I think. You buggering off sort of tested that a bit…”

Jason sat in stunned silence.

“Well don’t look so gobsmacked. Been waiting for you to say something for about twenty years now, actually. Gave up really hoping a while back cos I figured anyone talks as much as you woulda said it before now. And since you never did, I just figured you didn’t feel the same way.”

Jason sighed. “I don’t know why I never said anything. I just couldn’t get the words out somehow. Kept waiting for you to do it yourself. Ironic, really.”

Howard laughed. “Yeah, that it is, mate.” Then he added “I guess I love you really was too many words to say, then.”

Jason groaned. “That was terrible.”

“That why you left?”

“You mean to get away from your terrible jokes? Only kidding. Yeah, I just couldn’t handle it anymore, I guess.”

“When are we gonna stop going round in circles, Jay?”

Jason responded by leaning across his seat and planting a firm kiss on Howard’s lips, then pulling back and grinning.

“Think it’s time for us to finally pull over off this track.”


	6. Waking Up

Jason fell into a deep, dreamless sleep after leaving Howard. He awoke to the sound of his mobile buzzing with a text alert.

“Outside your door. Freezing my bollocks off.”

Jason burst out laughing and bounced out of bed and ran downstairs to the front door.

“How’d you know I was in Manchester? I don’t remember telling you?”

“Jenny Orange was powerless against my charms and told me everything.”

Jason burst out laughing for the second time that morning. “Yeah, Mum’s always had a soft spot for you. Come on in, then, and get your bollocks warmed up.”

Howard swooned in a mock genteel fashion. “My goodness Mr. Orange! What are you suggesting? We haven’t even kissed for real yet!” 

“We should probably do something about that.” 

“About my bollocks?”

Jason giggled. “About kissing, you daft git.”

Howard nodded. “Right. How’s this then?”

He pressed Jason against the wall and touched his lips to his, gently at first, and then more firmly as Jason opened into the kiss and then it was tongues and teeth and rising heat and biting lips and clothes being torn off and twenty years of passion finally coming to the surface and yes, yes, yes…

“Good morning to both of us.”

Jason never was able to go back into their dreams again. But it didn’t matter. Now that he could wake up and face them and share what was in his heart, he didn’t need to anymore.


End file.
